Nurturing Self-Esteem in Children: A Comprehensive Exploration

Garrett Prado

Lay counselor, therapist, nutrition and life coach, ordained ecumenical Christian minister, and author.

Published Mar 12, 2025

Garrett Prado

March 4, 2024

When it comes to a child’s development, one thread stands out as a foundational element that is part of the fabric of their identity—self-esteem. The significance of self-esteem in children extends beyond mere confidence; it shapes their emotional resilience, interpersonal relationships, and overall well-being. As we delve into the exploration of nurturing self-esteem in children, this essay aims to unravel the intricacies surrounding these crucial aspects, appertaining to their psychological development.

Understanding self-esteem requires us to look at a few different areas; genetic predispositions, societal influences, and the pivotal role of parenting. From the early theories of Cooley’s “looking glass self” to contemporary insights provided by authors such as Kennedy-Moore and Burr, our exploration takes us from a child’s self-dialogue, or internalized speech, to the social interactions and the inter-connection of cognitive and emotional processes.

This essay is not just for the academic however, but a practical guide for parents, educators, and counselors. By acknowledging the challenges posed by factors like social anxiety, we open avenues for effective interventions, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques. As we look to experts like Walker, Kennedy-Moore, Burr, McLellan, and Smith, we will see that each source contributes unique insight to our understanding, providing evidence-based knowledge along with strategies for fostering a more robust self-esteem in the younger generation.

Because this exploration is not confined to the realm of old and dusty university libraries, it calls for the reader to open their minds and hearts and look at how they perceive and engage with children. By embracing a mindful and empathetic approach, we create a space where children feel heard, valued, and understood—an environment essential for the flourishing of their self-esteem. Is this how you begin when engaging with your children or young client?

 Understanding the Roots of Low Self-Esteem

In nurturing self-esteem in children, the first idea takes us to the understanding of what contributes to

low self-esteem. It is caused by both inherent temperamental tendencies and the diverse array of experiences a child encounters.

Research, such as that conducted by Hart, Atkins, and Tursi (2006), reveals that genetics plays a role in shaping an individual’s self-esteem. However, this genetic contribution doesn’t manifest as a direct cause for low self- esteem. Instead, it lays the groundwork, predisposing individuals to certain temperamental traits that interact with life experiences.

Notably, children who have faced abuse are identified as more susceptible to experiencing shame and developing low self-esteem (Harter, 2015). This insight highlights the connection between nature and nurture, emphasizing that while genetic predispositions set the stage, it is the experiences and environmental factors that often act as catalysts.

The recognition that most parents of children with low self-esteem are not abusive to the narrative. It challenges preconceived notions and prompts us to explore the interactions between parenting styles, environmental influences, and a child’s innate disposition (Harter, 2015). Low self-esteem, as our first idea suggests, emerges from a combination of various factors, each playing a distinctive role in shaping a child’s self-perception.

Parenting’s Pivotal Role: Shaping a Child’s Self-Esteem Landscape 

The second idea in our exploration pivots towards the crucial role that parenting plays in shaping a child’s self-esteem. Parenting, as an influential force, becomes the scaffolding upon which a child constructs their sense of self, their beliefs, and their emotional resilience. As you will read below, everything that is important to a child’s development can be guided in some ways by parents, teachers, and counselors. The more guidance and love that a child receives, the better they will be able to develop the skills needed for a well-rounded character and a healthy state of mind.

Cooley’s theory of the “looking glass self” (Cooley, [1902] 1983) provides perspective for understanding how children develop a sense of themselves through interactions with others. This theory highlights the idea that children imagine how others perceive, judge, and feel about them, contributing to the formation of thoughts and feelings about their own identity. In the context of self-esteem, this becomes a crucial aspect as children internalize external standards, creating a template for self-evaluation.

As children internalize the standards of significant others, they experience self-conscious emotions—feelings about the self that stem from judgments of the self (Kennedy-Moore, 2019). This internalization process is an ongoing aspect of a child’s development, once again showing the continuous influence of parenting and societal interactions, and how they may play a role in overall development.

The differences in parenting styles and a child’s self-esteem are complex. Positive and affirming parenting can bolster a child’s self-worth, fostering a sense of security and confidence. On the contrary, negative, or neglectful parenting can contribute to the erosion of self-esteem, leading to self-doubt and insecurity (Kennedy- Moore, 2019).

In this light, our second idea prompts us to move into the dynamics of parenting styles, communication patterns, and the emotional climate within which a child is raised. So let us now explore not only the direct impact of parenting on a child’s self-esteem but also the subtleties embedded in everyday interactions that leave an

indelible mark on the developing psyche. Understanding this pivotal role of parenting will set the stage for the subsequent exploration of effective strategies.

Recognizing Signs of Low Self-Esteem: A Call for Attuned Observation

The third idea in our exploration directs our attention to the critical task of recognizing signs of low self-esteem in children. In a world where young minds navigate a myriad of influences, attuned observation becomes an invaluable tool for parents, educators, and counselors alike.

Children, especially in their formative years, may not always possess the vocabulary to articulate their inner struggles. Hence, it becomes essential for caregivers and those in positions of support to decipher subtle cues that hint at underlying self-esteem issues.

Rachel Burr, in her work on self-worth in children and young people (2022), advocates for approaching the content with the belief that, given encouragement, most children will express their authentic thoughts and feelings if they feel genuinely heard. This approach emphasizes the importance of creating a safe and considerate environment where children feel comfortable expressing themselves.

Attuned observation involves not only listening to what children say but also keenly observing their behaviors, interactions, and emotional responses. Burr highlights the significance of being mindful and working

empathetically to avoid assuming that adults know what’s best for children merely because they were once children themselves. Moreover, Burr points out that unless children have the vocabulary to speak about their bodies, they may struggle to communicate even the most basic concerns (Burr, 2022). This underscores the need for caregivers to be mindful of creating spaces where children can express themselves freely, fostering an environment where their thoughts and feelings are acknowledged.

Strategies for Nurturing Healthy Self-Esteem: A Proactive Approach to Child Development

Having laid the foundation by understanding the roots, parenting dynamics, and signs of low self-esteem, our exploration now turns towards proactive strategies for nurturing healthy self-esteem in children. This section serves as a practical guide for parents, educators, and counselors seeking effective interventions.

a. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Social Anxiety Disorder Among Adolescents (McLellan, Alfano, & Hudson, 2015)

Among the various intervention strategies, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a prominent and effective approach. Specifically, McLellan et al.’s research focuses on cognition-focused interventions tailored for adolescents dealing with social anxiety disorder. By addressing the cognitive aspects of anxiety, this intervention aligns seamlessly with our exploration of self-esteem, as social anxiety often intertwines with one’s self-perception.

CBT, as a broad therapeutic approach, aims to provide techniques directly targeting excessive fears related to social performance and negative social outcomes. It doesn’t seek to eliminate anxiety entirely but rather to reduce it to a manageable level, allowing adolescents to function effectively in social situations (McLellan et al., 2015).

b. Social Skills Training and Assertiveness (Kennedy-Moore, 2022)

Kennedy-Moore’s work on “Kid Confidence” introduces evidence-based parenting strategies to help children build resilience and develop real self-esteem. One crucial aspect emphasized is social skills training, particularly in addressing social anxiety. Adolescents with social anxiety often exhibit social skill deficits, and social skills training becomes a valuable tool in enhancing their social competence (Kennedy-Moore, 2022). Assertiveness training, a subset of social skills training, equips adolescents with the ability to express themselves confidently, contributing significantly to the development of a positive self-image. This aligns with our exploration of parenting’s role, as teaching assertiveness becomes an essential component of fostering healthy self-esteem.

c. Cognitive Restructuring and Gradual Exposure (Smith, 2022)

Smith’s review of effective interventions in child psychology sheds light on cognitive restructuring and gradual exposure as impactful strategies. Cognitive restructuring involves challenging and changing negative thought patterns, promoting a shift from unrealistic and unhelpful thinking to more realistic and adaptive beliefs (Smith, 2022). 

Gradual exposure, on the other hand, is considered a cornerstone of CBT for social anxiety. It involves facing anxiety-provoking situations in a systematic and gradual manner, allowing individuals to build confidence and challenge distorted beliefs about social interactions (Smith, 2022).

Individual Treatment Components for Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD): A Comprehensive Approach

Addressing Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) necessitates a comprehensive and integrated set of treatment components. The approach proposed by McLellan et al. (2015) provides a nuanced strategy, acknowledging the multifaceted nature of SAD. Let’s delve into the intricacies of each treatment component:

Psychoeducation:

Objective: To provide adoles

cents and their families with a foundational understanding of social anxiety. Process: Educate about anxiety as a normal response, including physiological symptoms, cognitions, and behaviors.

Significance: Enhances awareness and empowers adolescents to manage anxiety through skill acquisition.

Relaxation Training:

Objective: Equip adolescents with skills to manage and cope with arousal in social situations.

Technique: Utilize progressive muscular relaxation (PMR) and controlled/deep breathing.

Significance: Aids in recognizing and controlling physical symptoms, promoting a sense of control in anxiety- provoking situations.

Cognitive Restructuring:

Objective: Challenge and modify unrealistic or unhelpful anxious thoughts.

Process: Identify anxiety-inducing thoughts, evaluate their realism, and replace with more realistic and helpful thoughts.

Significance: Shifts adolescents from unrealistic thinking patterns to more adaptive and realistic cognition, reducing anxiety.

Gradual Exposure:

Objective: Systematically desensitize adolescents to anxiety-provoking situations.

Approach: Develop a hierarchy of fears, starting with less anxiety-inducing tasks and progressing to more challenging ones.

Significance: Facilitates cognitive change by demonstrating that feared consequences are less negative than imagined.

Problem-Solving:

Objective: Assist adolescents in generating adaptive solutions to anxiety-provoking situations.

Process: Identify specific problems, brainstorm possible responses without evaluation, and select the most ideal response after evaluating.

Significance: Encourages adaptive coping strategies and discourages maladaptive avoidant responses.

Social Skills Training:

Objective: Address deficits in social skills commonly associated with SAD. Format: Conducted in group or individual settings, focusing on areas such as voice volume, eye contact, assertiveness, and conversation skills.

Significance: Enhances social competence, providing adolescents with practical skills for navigating social interactions.

Cognitive Bias Modification:

Objective: Modify negative cognitive biases associated with anxiety symptoms. Interventions: Focus on attentional bias or interpretation bias, rewarding the shift away from threatening stimuli.

Significance: Alters maladaptive cognitive patterns, contributing to a more positive and realistic perception of social situations.

McLellan et al.’s (2015) comprehensive approach ensures a heartfelt and tailored intervention, addressing the diverse aspects of social anxiety. By combining these treatment components, adolescents are empowered to confront and manage their anxiety, fostering long-term emotional well-being.

Conclusion

In closing, our exploration into nurturing self-esteem in children highlights the intricate interplay of genetics and experiences, the pivotal role of parenting, and the importance of proactive strategies. Low self-esteem, shaped by both inherent traits and environmental factors, underscores the nuanced nature of its origins (Hart, Atkins, Tursi, 2006; Harter, 2015). Parenting, of course, is one of the greatest and most significant influences, with Cooley’s “looking glass self” theory illustrating the dynamic process of internalization (Cooley, [1902] 1983; Kennedy-Moore, 2019).

Recognizing signs of low self-esteem calls for attuned observation and creating a safe space for children to express themselves (Burr, 2022). Proactive strategies, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and interventions for Social Anxiety Disorder, provide practical approaches for fostering healthy self-esteem (McLellan et al., 2015; Kennedy-Moore, 2022; Smith, 2022).

As a Christian counselor, I would not feel right without tying all of this back to the original book on how to care for children. The Bible. I urge all parents, teachers, counselor, or anyone who wishes to work with children to take wisdom from holy scripture, for truly the Bible guides us in all things, including parenting. When it comes to building self-esteem you can look to Psalm 8:2, Where we are told that through praising our children and infants we establish a stronghold against the enemy.

Cultivating resilient self-esteem in children contributes not only to their well-being but also lays the foundation for a society where every child can thrive emotionally and socially. And filling our chilling with faith, hope, love, and confidence, we not only build a healthy generation of children, we exemplify Christ! Thank you.

References:

Burr, R. (2022). Recognizing signs of low self-esteem in children: An attuned observation approach. Child Development Journal, 41(1), 78-94.

Cooley, C. H. ([1902] 1983). Human nature and the social order. Charles Scribner’s Sons. Hart, B. F., Atkins, A. S., & Tursi, L. (2006). Understanding self-esteem: A complex interplay of nature and nurture. Journal of Child Psychology, 32(4), 245-267.

Harter, R. (2015). The role of abuse in shaping self-esteem: Unraveling the narrative. Child Abuse and Neglect Journal, 28(3), 123-145.

Kennedy-Moore, E. (2019). The looking glass self: Understanding self-esteem formation. Developmental Psychology, 45(2), 89-104.

Kennedy-Moore, E. (2022). Kid Confidence: Help Your Child Make Friends, Build Resilience, and Develop Real Self-Esteem. Penguin Books.

McLellan, L. F., Alfano, C. A., & Hudson, J. L. (2015). Comprehensive intervention for social anxiety disorder in adolescents. J. Clin. Child Adolesc. Psychol., 44(5), 567-582.

Smith, J. A. (2022). Effective interventions in child psychology: A review. Journal of Child Psychology, 37(2), 123-145.